General
Overview
Québec is a large Canadian Province
situated to the North East
of America. It is an important member
of the Canadian community,
though not nearly as important as it likes
to think.
It is bounded by Ontario, Nova Scotia,
New Brunswick and
Newfoundland, all of no particular
importance
and with not very good shopping.
Québec is quite an old Province
with many treasures, such as the
Plains of Abraham and La Ronde. Among
its contributions to western
civilization are Poutine, the Canadiens
and Biker gangs.
Although Québec likes to think
of
itself as a modern nation,
air conditioning is little used and it
is next to impossible
for Americans to get decent Mexican food.
One continuing
exasperation for American visitors is
that local people insist
on speaking in French, though many will
speak English if
shouted at. Watch your money at all times.
The
People
Québec has a population of 6
million
people. 5.5 million of these
drink and smoke (the other 0.5 million
are small children).
All Québec people drive like
lunatics,
are dangerously oversexed,
and have no concept of standing patiently
in a queue.
The Québec people are, in general,
gloomy, temperamental, proud,
arrogant, aloof and undisciplined and
those are their good points.
Most Québec citizens are Roman
Catholic, though you would hardly
guess it from their behaviour. Men
sometimes
have girls' names like
Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other
when
they meet. American
travellers are advised to travel in groups
and wear baseball caps and
colourful trousers for easier recognition.
Safety
In general, Québec is a safe
destination,
although travellers must
be aware that from time to time it is
invaded by the English.
Traditionally, the French surrender
immediately and, apart from
a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky
and increased difficulty
in getting baseball scores and stock
market
prices, life for the
American visitor generally goes on much
as before.
History
Québec historical figures are
René
Levêsque, Jean-Baptiste
and Bernard Landry. René has a
road named after him,
Jean merits a day off for everyone and
they are still trying
to figure out about Bernard.
Government
The Québec form of government is
democratic but noisy.
Referendums are held more or less
continuously
and always result
in the PQ losing but still they continue.
Quebecers love administration so for
government
purposes the
country is divided into regions,
departments,
districts,
municipalities, towns, communes, villages,
cafes, and
telephone kiosks. Each of these has its
own government and elections.
Parliament consists of two chambers,
the
Upper and Lower,
though confusingly they are both on the
ground floor, and whose
members are either PQ or Liberals, neither
of whom should be trusted
by the traveller. Governments
principal
occupation is lauding
all things French and deciding how big
the French writing on signs
must be and acting indignant and surprised
when English speaking people complain.
According to the most current American
state department intelligence,
the Premier is now someone named Bernard.
Further information is not available at
this time.
Culture
The Québec people pride themselves
on their culture, though it is not
easy to see why. All their music sounds
the same and they have
never made a movie that you would want
to watch
for anything but the nude scenes.
Cuisine
Bagels are a Provincial delicacy and
Croissants
too are excellent,
although it is impossible for most
Americans
to pronounce this word.
In general, travellers are advised to
stick to cheeseburgers.
Economy
Québec has a large and diversified
economy, second only to
Senegal, which is surprising because the
Quebecers hardly
work at all. If they are not spending
four hours dawdling
over lunch, they are finishing early to
get home through the traffic.
Québec's principal exports, in
order of importance to the
economy, are Poutine, Ice hockey players,
Montreal Bagels
and some skinny girl (Céline Dion)
who sings a nice song.
Public
Holidays
Québec has more holidays than all
the other Canadian Provinces
put together. Among its 307 Provincial
holidays are:
197 Saints' days, 37 "Liberation from
the English" Days,
16 Provincial Days, 54 "Vive le
Québec"
days,
2 "Québec is Great and the
Rest of Canada is Rubbish" Days
and one Victoria Day (stolen from the
English).
Conclusion
Québec enjoys a rich history, a
picturesque and varied landscape,
nine months of winter, two of cold weather
and one of warm.
In short, it would be a very nice Province
if it was not inhabited
by French people. The best thing that
can be said for Québec is that
it is not Newfoundland.