Moses and the Computer
Moïse et l'ordonnateur

Excuse me, Sir."

    "Is that you again, Moses?"

    "I'm afraid it is, Sir."

     "What is it this time, Moses; more computer problems?"

    "How did you guess?"

    "I don't have to guess, Moses.  Remember?"

    "Oh, yes; I forgot."

     "Tell me what you want, Moses."

     "But you already know; remember?"

    "Moses!"

    "Sorry, Sir."

     "Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out."

     "Well, I have a question, Sir.  You know those 'ten things' you sent me?"

    "You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"

     "That's it.  I was wondering if they were important."

     "What do you mean 'were important', Moses?  Of course, they are
important.  Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."

     "Well - sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them;
but, of course, you would see right through that."

     "What do you mean 'you lost them'?  Are you trying to tell me you
didn't save them, Moses?"

"No, Sir; I forgot."

     "You should always save, Moses."

     "Yes, I know. You told me that before.  I was going to, but I forgot. I
did send them to some people before I lost them though."

     "And did you hear back from any of them?"

     "You already know I did.  What about the one guy who said he never uses
'shalt not'?  May he change the words a little bit?"

     "Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."

     "And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh,
and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick
one or two to try for a while?"

     "Moses, I will act like I did not hear that."

     "I think that means 'no.'  Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming  him?"

     "I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses."

     "Oh, yes.  I e-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I
     have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."

     "And what did he say?"

     "You know what he said.  He used Your name in vain.  You don't think he
might have sent me one of those - er - plagues, and that's the reason I lost
those ten things, do you?"

     "They are called 'viruses,' Moses."

     "Whatever!  This computer stuff is just too much for me.  Can we just go
back to those stone tablets?  It was hard on my back taking them out and
reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."

     "We will do it the new way, Moses."

     "I was afraid you would say that, Sir."

     "Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"

     "You told me to hold up this rat and stretch it out toward the computer."

     "It's a mouse, Moses.  Mouse!  Mouse!  And did you do that?"

     "No, I decided to try the technical support first.  After all, who knows more
     about this stuff than you, and I really like your hours.  By the way, Sir, did
     Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"

     "No, Moses."

     "One other thing.  Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,'
     because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"

     "I did not name them, Moses.  Man did, and you can call yours a frog if
you want to."

     "Oh, that explains it.  Kind of like Adam, huh, Sir?  I bet some woman told him
     to call it a mouse.  After all, was it not a woman who named one of the
     computers Apple?"

     "Say good night, Moses."

     "Wait a minute, Sir.  I am stretching out the mouse, and it seems to be
     working.  Yes, a couple of the 'ten things' have come back."

     "Which ones are they, Moses?"

     "Let me see.  'Thou shalt not steal from any grave an image' and 'Thou
shalt not uncover thy neighbour's wife.'"

     "Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."