The Zoo

Le Zoo
                         This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star
                         attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully
                         preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress
                         up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to
                         the zoo.

                         Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the
                         skin and goes out into the cage.

                         The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it
                         up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping
                         around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.

                         During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through
                         some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage!

                         As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming,
                       "Help, Help, Help!"
                        The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and  hisses,
                      "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

          The Farmer and the Lawyer
Le fermier et l'avocat

                         A big-city Canadian lawyer went duck hunting in rural Ontario.
He shot and dropped a duck,
but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence
fromwhere the lawyer fired the shot.
.
                         As the lawyer started to climb over the fence,
an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and
asked him just what the heck he thought he was doin'.
.
The lawyer responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell into this field,
and now I'm going  to retrieve it."
.
                         The old farmer replied, "You just hold on a dadburn minute.
This is my property, and thar's no way
yur comin' over that thar fence."
.
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial attorneys in Canada
and if you don't let me get that duck,
I'll sue you and take everything you own!
.
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we do things up here.
. We settle small disagreements like this with the "Three-Kick' Rule."
.
                         The lawyer asked, "What is the "Three-Kick Rule'?"
.
                         The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times,
and then you kick me  three times,
and so on, back and forth, 'till someone gives."
.
                         The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger.
 He agreed to abide by the local custom.
.
                         The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor
and ambled up to the city  feller.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot
into the lawyer's shins, causing him to hop on one foot.
His second kick knocked the man right off his feet.
With the lawyer flat on his back the farmer's
third kick caused him to see stars.
.
      The lawyer summoned every bit of his will,
managed to get to his feet and said,
 "Okay, you old coot! Now it's my turn!"
.
The old farmer smiled and said,
"No way, mister, I give up.
You can have the duck!"

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