"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man.
"We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down
to the bottom on the canyon by pack mule.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.
My wife quietly said, 'That's once.'

  "We proceeded a little further and the mule stumbled again.
Once more my wife quietly said, 'That twice.'

  "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled the third time.
  My wife quietly removed a revolver from her pocket
and shot the mule  dead.

  "I started to protest over her treatment of the mule
when she looked  at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."
    ..............................................................................................................

  Man and wife in heaven
  A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear.
  But you must do one more thing before you can enter."

  The woman was very excited,
and asked of St. Peter what she   must do.

  "Spell a word," St. Peter replied.

  "What word?" she asked.

  "Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."

  The woman promptly replied,
"Then the word I will spell is  love. L-O-V-E."

  St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind
taking his place at the gates for a few minutes
while he took  a break.
So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair
  when a man approaches the gates,
and she realizes it is her husband.

  "What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

  Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,
"I was so   upset when I left your funeral,  I got in an accident.
Did I   really make it to Heaven?"

  "Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first."

  "What word?" he asked.

  The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
    ...........................................................................................................................................

Would you remarry?

  A golfing couple are talking one day after a day on the greens, the wife  asks,
  "If I died before you would you re-marry?"

  "Ya I probably would after I managed to cope with the loss"

  "O.K., would you live in the same house?"

  "Yes, well probably, since the house is in my name"

  "O.K., would you sleep in the same bed?"

  "Well I would probably sell the bed, but I will stay in the same room"

  "Would she use my clubs?"

  "No she's a lefty"
    ....................................................................................

Elderly Couple

  An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.
  She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am, did  you know you were speeding?"

  The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
  The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."

The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
  The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"

The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
  The woman gives him her license.

The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas.
I spent some time there   once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."

The woman turns to her husband and asks," What did he say?"

  "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.