Doctors & Patients

 Les docteurs et leurs patients
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
.
 The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians!
Everything inside them is colour coded."
.
 The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.
.
 The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...
those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end,
and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
.
 But the fifth surgeon shuts them all up when he observed:
"You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, and no spine,
and the head and butt are interchangeable."

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The Stock Market Explained

Comment fonctionne la Bourse

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets none.

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

Broker - Poorer than you were last year.

"Buy, Buy" - A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the Toilet.

Call Option - Something people used to do with a telephone in ancient times before e-mail.

Day Trader - Someone who is disloyal from 9-5.

Cisco - Sidekick of Pancho.

Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

Windows 2000 - What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo for $240 per share.

Institutional Investor - Past year investor who's now locked up in a nut house.

Profit - Religious guy who talks to God.

Bill Gates - Where God goes for a loan.

Alan Greenspan - God.