Message from the Minister-January-February 2002
                             Message du ministre janvier-février 2002
Dear Friends,
 

I used this illustration recently in a sermon. There once was a famous preacher who always drew a capacity crowd to the Cathedral. Whenever he spoke, an eccentric old woman sat in the front pew directly beneath the pulpit. She took every opportunity to mumble complaints and contradictions/ just loud enough for the Preacher to catch the drift that he was not as wonderful as he was reputed to be. Others seated down front glowered at the woman and tried to shush her but she went right on needling the Preacher to her hearts content. When the old woman died, the congregation was astounded at the depth and sincerity of the Preacher's grief. Asked why he was so bereft, he responded, " now who will help me to grow?"
 

I can't begin to enumerate the number of times, occasions, experiences, events and people that have caused me to grow as a human being, deepen as a person of faith and develop as a Spiritual entity when differences of perception are in the air. Often times we see complaints and criticisms and contradictions as an unhealthy indicator of community life but not me. Conflict is inevitable, even necessary to healthy group life. To disagree is evidence of caring and active involvement. When issues arise and there is a vigorous exchange of views in an open, non-combative situation the possibility for growth is greatest. Family systems, like church systems, that invite the widest range of opinions and information available will flourish because the best choice is always made when more choices are available.
 

On the other hand, congregations and families who do not deal with complaints, concerns and issues openly are more likely to experience deeper pain and greater alienation from all parties concerned. Non-verbal messages reverberate throughout the room and that message is most often "something terrible is going to happen" if we talk openly. Bodies stiff, arms folded, faces hard, eyes down, emotions up, does not a good communication make.
 

I would invite us to consider the irony of the group trying the hardest not to have conflict suffers grave damage when it occurs and the group that invites conflict and disagreement most often finds the experience constructive and even Sacred. It's Sacred because people have taken the time and energy to talk through a difficult issue and not talk about a difficult issue or even worse not talk at all. The key is changing the attitudes that prevent churches and families from becoming more engaging and creative in the resolution of long standing destructive behaviours. We can all break loose from habits of unresolved pain.
 
 

P.S. I encourage you to sit in the pew in front of the pulpit on a regular basis. Who will help me grow?

 Return to What's New page